the true love story

my mind struggles with the notion that at my deepest betrayal of you, that you still run to rescue me. every time. that these paths of 'little' sins take me so far away sometimes. before i realize it, i am so far from you. far from the life you freely give to me of real love and peace and life to the full. i get caught instead in the world of money and success and really anything but you. i can't imagine being in a friendship like that, or a marriage like that. one of constant forsaking. consistent distrust. like if a friend told me they trusted me, but acted otherwise, always questioning me. and my motives. but that's what our relationship often is. you offering me this unbelievable love story and me using it. just partaking of your love when everything else in my life makes sense. only trusting your love when all my other needs are met. the worst part is that i can fool people and even my mind sometimes, but you know my motives. you see my heart for what it really is. and that's what your love is at the core. that's the true love story. in my constant betrayal of you, you seek me out. you eagerly search for me in my hiding places in this world. and you continually offer me your complete love as if i hadn't ever turned my back on you. as if i never betrayed you. as if i never walked away from you. jesus, the love story you offer is the only thing that makes sense. so why do i quickly walk away every chance i get?