Sunday, November 9, 2008

among your flock

i am astounded by your mercy. in my world that is self righteous, self serving, and self consumed. i normally find it hard to listen to you. hard to find you. to seek you. but i am humbled at your love that finds me. it finds me in the chaos that i let this world put in my head. and in the priorities that the demons reshuffle. and even the idols that i hold in my heart. these clouds that i let settle inside tend to blur my perception of myself but more importantly, my perception of you. you know i am a sinner. yet someone that you love without question, without a doubt, literally to death. i am worthy of that kind of love in your eyes. not because i am worthy, but because the blood of your son is worthy. i forget daily that you are a god of purpose. a purpose that is unthinkable because it holds an end that is nothing of this place. an end of divine substance. you are a god of mercy. mercy in loving me in my humanness. and in my selfish love that normally forsakes you. i forget your sacrifices. i forget your almightiness and your word. i doubt my faith in a god that is righteous. i put aside your hopes for my good. and trust my own false hopes for my life and my good. i deny your power and rely on my own physical strength to do a work that i want to look like is for you. i decrease your importance and bring you my problems last. i daily dismiss you. find in my heart these feeble attempts to bow my heart to you. cast out all this world has made me and all that i have let steal your glory away, take it far from me. i want to be yours. to not know where you end and i begin. the god of wonder. of mercy and love. of power and wisdom. i want to be a merely a lamb among your flock.

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