here are some more pictures of my little snuggle bug. she just sleeps and sleeps and then sleeps some more.

my sweet girl

life is definitely different. as i stumble through this complete life shift due to a lack of sleep, i still look at this little girl with a sense of wonder, awe and pure love. this is the love that god loves us with. this little girl can't even hold her own head up, she can't speak, can't tell me what she wants and she definitely can't do anything for me, yet my love for her is so full. she keeps me up in the middle of the night, she cries as i am trying to comfort her, and she is so needy. but it doesn't matter. none of those things matter. my love for her grows all the same. this is the picture of jesus' love. in the things we cry through, struggle through and are so needy through, jesus loves us all the same. the same sense of wonder, awe and pure love. the giver of love.

sweet girl





after a tearful bath!





in her recliner...





with her mimi

harper grace ott!

harper is here!!!!

harper grace ott
7lbs 9oz
19 inches

she is simply amazing.

my cup of blessing

'you are my cup of blessing.' i love that from psalm 16. it also says that you alone are my inheritance. i will inherit holiness. righteousness. joy. peace. love. goodness. because of the cross, i do not reap what i sow. in 1 peter 2 it says 'by his wounds, you have been healed.' because of your wounds, i inherit holiness. i am humbled by the whole picture in 1 peter 2. that you were insulted and you suffered. but you didn't retaliate. you didn't even try to prove who you really are. it says 'instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.' it was as simple as that. you did what i am called to do, but struggle messily to fulfill. to live for something bigger than this world. to entrust in god. instead of proving how worthy i am...to just entrust in god. to just receive my cup of blessing. and the reward is extravagant. my inheritance is you. there aren't many things in this life that are truly extravagant. this worldly life does get turned into proving yourself. to retaliation. but really there IS extravagance. there is holy. peace. love. you are the cup of blessing. that is the extravagance that i want to live for. lord, you are my inheritance. let that alone be enough for me.

your long journey.

i love the picture of jesus that i got today. the tireless savior. jesus, you were relentless. after a long journey of countless miracles that span a variety of things like healing the blind and bringing salvation to Zaccheus' home, after all this you were still not hopeless enough to give up on us. after seeing how much we need, take, use and want, you continued on. nothing caused you to quit. nothing was too much. in spite of all this, you didn't change your journey...your life. i am amazed at your faithfulness to us. to me. your selflessness and your understanding of god's will. lord, i pray for this diligence. this discipline. this trust. this faithfulness. i pray for understanding to know god's will for me enough to not stray from my own journey. i pray that i can finally trust that you are good. for the wisdom to seek the real you and not my own thoughts about who you should be in my life. but mainly, i pray for a faithfulness that may finally embrace you. jesus, allow me to rest in you. to really let go of me and be in you. lord, you long for my whole heart. you long for complete dying to myself so that i can fully experience your glory. your love. your eden that you have for me. lord, i know your truth. and i know it is the giver of life. fill me with your life. take my mind by force so that i can fully embrace who you really are. i long for your safe arms of righteousness and holiness. i long to be fully yours.

my perfect one

i know you redeem and sanctify. you glorify and you answer. i watch the minutes on the clock tick down almost waiting for you to show up. praying that you will. i keep battling the disbelief that i am at this alone. my heart knows that you are already here, somewhere in this mess i created. but my mind struggles to fall in line behind it. i want to scream out. i want to run far away. i feel like all i really am is the wreckage of a passing thought. i can't escape my mind that swirls every which way. as i try to swallow the lump away, i search for the joy. the joy in love. the joy in life. and i know you are here somewhere. i just can't let myself go. how did i get so big in my world. how do i let all the stuff block you. block your joy over me. your love for every part of me. once i let a little dark in, the rest came pouring in. its that dark that stays dark. i keep it dark. i want to lay it at your feet. to see your light overwhelm the dark. let me believe your love for me. that you call me by name and that you DO show up. 'there may be sixty wives, all queens, but i would still choose my dove, my perfect one.' (song of songs) you say those words to me. that i am your perfect one. yet i still struggle to believe it. lord, i know you are here in this. and even in my mistakes, my excuses, my justifications and my sin...that i am still your perfect one. allow me to understand the depth of that love for me. allow me to rest in that love. i know it breeds freedom in the dark.

let me live your dream

let me rest in your love. but also your will for my life. you dream more for me than i ever imagine. bigger. better. best. let me dream your dream. be in my heart. let me live in the overflow. let me be your light.